I just realized that I haven't really drawn anything this entire summer, nothing new since the end of school in May. I'm starting to feel really disinterested in drawing lately; it just seems like a chore to me rather than something I do to chill out and have fun.

I don't know, I think these last couple of years, I've just been drawing for practice to get better or for the next con. I had fun with it, but I feel like I've been into it less and less. To some extent, I'm pretty sure it has to do with finally realizing that this is never something I'll be able to do for real, and that all of my wild pipe dreams of going pro and becoming a mangaka are just that. It's like, I've been trying to improve for so long, but if I don't have a goal, what is it for? And I just haven't had results, and it's really frustrating. I always hear pros suggest that you should make yourself to draw to get better, but it's burned me out. I guess I can't cut it anyway.

I know there's the whole doing-it-for-fun thing, but I guess I'm just going through a quarter-life crisis and getting depressed that I'll probably end up working some excruciatingly stressful and painfully unfulfilling job (which is pretty much what I spent my summer doing), and then sitting on the couch watching TV every night (like my parents) because I'm too tired to do anything else. Adolescence sucks.

Anyway, so that's just to explain why I haven't updated in a while and why I kind of don't plan to for a while. I'm feeling a little emo about this whole thing.